Monday, 28 June 2010

BP Appoints New CEO

EMBATTLED oil giant BP has replaced its Chief Executive with a small yappy dog called George.
George will assume immediate and overall control of the day to day running of BP and will take a 'paws on' approach to the handling of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.
Markets responded positively to today's news lifting the company share price from 'practically nil' to 'not much'.
US President Barack Obama welcomed the appointment saying: “I hope George has deep pawckets, do ya like what I did, cuz he's gonna need 'em.
"To be frank, a dog is an easier target for me although the last guy made it pretty easy too. I suppose if anything this new guy will be less likely to offend millions of Americans by virtue of not having the power of speech so that's a small relief.
"Also, I guess it's even more acceptable to kick a dog's ass than a Brit's. Can we sue dogs? I'm gonna get one of my guys to check that out."
The new Chief Exec, a 'talented little Yorkie', was appointed unanimously by BP's Board of Directors yesterday amidst a total dearth of willing candidates.
Twelve-year-old George, comes from outside the business but has extensive experience of the energy sector. After two years in the mid-1990s at the Pedigree Petfoods division of confectionery giant Mars, he changed direction and has been leading troubled midcaps through turbulent waters ever since.
BP, however, will present his biggest challenge to date.
It's Chairman, Sir Bob Someoneorother, praised George as: "a terrific leader who has a great track record in bringing transformational change to big businesses, as well as considerable experience of highly-regulated industries and dealing with Global leaders."
Commenting on his own appointment, George added: “Yappy yappy yap yap. Yappy yap. Yap yap yap,” then peed on one of your correspondent's new suede loafers.

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