Apple Launches Invisible iPhone

MASTER of the Universe, Steve Jobs, last night launched a new invisible version of his firm's best-selling iPhone.

The new offering from Apple bristles with features that only really cool, brainy people are able to use and which has been made so slimline that you can't actually see it.

Thousands of really cool, brainy people formed a long queue outside Apple's flagship store on London's Regent Street last night hoping to be first to get their hands on the new gadget.

One lifelong Apple devotee has changed his actual name by deed poll to Apple McApple and stood in line for seven weeks in order to be at the front of the queue.

He said: "I just can't wait to see my invisible iPhone. I met my first one on January 9, 2007 and we've been together ever since. We have our ups and downs and she can be pretty high maintenance but she keeps me on my toes and I wouldn't want it any other way.

"It's like any relationship, you get out what you put in."

Although few iPhone owners change their own names in tribute to their inanimate objects, it is not uncommon for some to start believing that their Apple products are actual people. One absoloutely mental devotee, Raji Shotarow, flew in from Singapore for last night's launch and intends to marry his invisible iPhone in a civil ceremony later today.

Apple's late-night extravaganza was no disappointment and even included surprise new revelations for enamoured fans.

At midnight, Jobs appeared to a captive audience holding apparently nothing aloft. He showed off various snazzy new functions before announcing a wholly compatible clothing line - again, visible only to really cool, brainy people.
The largely positive atmosphere was interrupted only once by a young child who heckled the crowds with cries of: "Are you lot nuts? There's no such thing as an invisible phone. You're mad I tell you, mad!"

The child, believed to have been drunk, was bustled away by security.