ENGLAND may as well have lost a war according to Conservative MP David Amess who seems surprised that once again, his national team has failed to win the World Cup.
Despite the fact that England haven't come anywhere near to winning the tournament for nigh on 50 years, Amess has now called for an inquiry – a dubious accolade normally reserved for proper disasters such as the Iraq War and the Bloody Sunday massacre.
The call comes despite large sections of the British population, in common with most of the world, not even noticing that a busload of badly-behaved millionaires got humped 4-1 by Germany in South Africa at the weekend.
Undeterred, unlike his piss-poor national football team, parliamentarian Amess is still banging on about the sports game days after the event.
He has tabled a motion in the House of Commons which reads: "That this House expresses its great disappointment at England's pathetic exit from the World Cup finals; believes that they let this country and their supporters down; further believes that an urgent inquiry should be held into the state of the national game; and firmly believes that many Premier League players are grossly overpaid and under-perform."
The motion has received cross-party support from, ooh, one other MP, a Liberal..
England's performance, politely described as 'lacklustre', has been praised only by those who have pointed out that it actually looked quite good compared to France's.
Unbelievably, their millionaires went on actual strike after one of them was sent home for doing graffiti in the boys toilets or spitting at a teacher or something.